Harder then I thought.

This heaviness I feel in my chest makes me sick to my stomach. Some days I feel like a zombie and somedays life just seems like a routine.
  I'm tired of hurting, its sucking the joy out of me.
I have decided it's time to help myself to overcome this. I want to smile and really mean it.
I'm ready to be happy again. I'm ready to just be myself again.
Being bitter is just not something I want to be the rest of my life.
Losing my dad changed me, watching him slowly slip away and not being able to do a single thing to help him affected me more then I could handle. Rubbing his leg as he took his last breath took a toll on me months later.
I was strong through it all so reality hit me a little late.  I know he wouldn't like to see me this way. I'm strong, he knows I'm strong. He's going to help me be myself again.
My heart hurts way to much but I realize it hurts more then it should bc I haven't let him go.
In three days it will be 6 months since my dad passed away, 6 months since I last saw him and with all this pain my heart holds I have decided to let him go.  I'm ready to accept gods will.

I get that you were tired and I know you constantly prayed to god to take you home.
You never accepted the fact you were paralyzed and living like that for 3 years was more then you could handle. 
It was hard bc before Fathers day 2010 you were 100% independent and after that you became 95% dependent on us. I know you were tired and ready to go. That is why I have decided this.
I'm ready to really let you go I'm not just saying it I'm going to do it. 
My heart is ready, I'm ready.
I am not going to post another post that makes me sad.
I'm going to remember the happy times. I am going to cry happy tears.
Daddy I'm ready. I know you will remain close to us  just like you have done.
I will always carry you in my heart and keep your memory alive.
I miss you terribly I'm sure you know that, Life is different and this new normal isn't easy but I will learn to live with it.  I love you dad.
May you rest in peace daddy dearest. 
01/24/1951 - 07/18/2013